These are only a few ways to tell you’re really into Reptiles. Read our other submissions, then send us yours.
Send us your funny suggestions for how to tell when you’re really into Reptiles!
Send your funny one-liners to reptileeditor@i5publishing.com
If your submission is printed in the magazine, you will win $50 worth of Rep-Cal products!
The supermarket cashier asks you how to prepare those vegetables (collard greens, mustard greens, kale, etc.), you shake your head and tell her you wash the leaves, remove the thick stems, tear into bite size pieces, and lightly coat with calcium powder.
You only eat a big meal once a week.
Your landlord comes over to do repairs, and the first thing they ask you is, “Is everyone locked up?”
You spend more money on heating and lighting your herp’s cages than you do your own house.
The amount of REPTILES magazines you own is more than the number of books you have.
You’ve been breeding mice for 15 years and still don’t know their average lifespan.
Your family Christmas card picture features a turtle in a Santa hat.
Your wife is in labor and you show up just in time for the birth because you’ve been out field herping!
You were banned from the community pool because you thought it was a good idea to let your iguana bask next to you while you sunbathe.
You risk serious bodily injury when blindly stumbling into the bathroom in the middle of the night because turning on the lights might interfere with a breeding reptile, or their light/dark cycles.
You moved out of a state because one or more of your reptiles were illegal to keep in that state.
You watch “Snakes on a Plane” and name every species and laugh at the people on the plane being afraid of a corn snake.
You have tanks of crickets all over your house.
Your computer has folders full of photos labeled “my snakes.”
You empty out your toolshed to make it into a reptile house so you can breed more reptiles.
You have a folder on your computer labeled “my family” and all but five of the pictures in it are reptiles.
You spend more money per semester feeding your herps than you spend on textbooks.
You budget mice, bugs, supplies, etc. into your weekly grocery bill.
You think $4,500 for two iguana enclosures is a deal.
You are serenaded to sleep every night by the geckos and frogs in your room.
Your first date was held at a pet store, right in front of the cricket and mice containers.
You know your lizard’s birthdate better than you know your own.
The only thing you read is REPTILES magazine.
You already have a hundred books about reptiles, but you need MORE.
You didn’t know you could have a pet cat.
Your dream house would have several rooms for reptiles.
You go shopping for your reptile more than you do for yourself.
You walk somewhere and you don’t pay any attention to the cars passing by, but you notice all the herps along the way.
You wake up the morning of a reptile show feeling like you’re waking up for Christmas.
You don’t throw things away because you might be able to use them for your terrarium.
You wake up in the morning and run to see your herps instead of run to use the bathroom.
You know the names of all the reptiles your friends’ children have, but can’t remember the children’s names.
You pay more attention to your reptile than anything else around you.
You hear your neighbor digging in his yard and your first thought is, “Whoa, there’s a giant uromastyx over there!”
You think the five main classes of vertebrates are snakes, lizards, turtles, tortoises and amphibians.
You plan vacations in the winter because that’s when most of your herps will be hibernating or brumating.
Your master bedroom only consists of terrariums, pet supplies and a bed.
The guys at your local pet store know you and your herps by name but have no idea you have a wife and kids.
You spend more time with your herp than with your friends.
The photo holder in your wallet is filled with pictures of your herp, and you show your ‘baby’ to everyone you know.
The floor plans for your new house read; master bedroom, second bedroom, herp room, bathroom, etc.
Your spouse leaves you and you don’t even realize it until after all the eggs hatch. Next Page>>
