2012

2012 is written and directed by Roland Emmerich, who also wrote and directed Independence Day, The Day After Tomorrow and Godzilla. The guy obviously has a taste for destruction. Of those three, I liked Independence Day, and not just because — SPOILER ALERT — Russ Case saves the world. That was the name of Randy Quaid’s drunken pilot character, though in the credits his last name is spelled “Casse,” which makes zero sense and must’ve been a typo. The initial attack sequence in which the aliens’ primary weapon is activated for the first time, blowing the White House and lots more to smithereens, remains a stunner.

Emmerich also produced Eight Legged Freaks, which is by far the best giant spider movie I’ve ever seen. It’s funny and quirky, too. If you like arachnids, be sure to rent this one.

2012 gets its title from the Mayan prediction that the world will end that year. As if that’s not bad enough, living in California, I may have to deal with the “Big One” someday. I don’t know if other states have their own Big Ones, but in California’s case this is a massive earthquake that is often in the back of many a resident’s mind.

Historically, I’ve never been one to spend much time thinking about the potentially devastating consequences of a natural disaster, such as an earthquake. When they hit, though, earthquakes do stress me more than they used to. When I was younger I thought they were kind of neat. My reaction to a quake back then was, “An earthquake, cool!” Not any more. Now, due in part to the media’s penchant for headlines such as, “California has 99% Chance of Killer Quake By the Time You’re Done Reading This Headline,” my thought process during an earthquake goes more like this:

(First, mild shake) “Was that an earthquake?”

(Continued shaking) “It is an earthquake!”

(Shaking grows in intensity) “Should I get off the couch?” (or out of bed, etc.; most inconvenient is when you’re in the shower)

(More shaking, with things falling off shelves) Now up from couch, spinning in place: “Is it the BIG ONE?!?”

(Moments later, shaking ends) Back on couch, heart slowing down: “Whew.”

It’s scary, but I still refuse to carry earthquake insurance.

If you stress over the possibility of a natural disaster, you might be freaked out by 2012. It bothered my friend, Ellyce, who saw it with me. She classified the events as one of her worst nightmares. (Regular blog readers may remember the cute little girl in the snake costume who appeared in a photo with my blog, as well as in REPTILES magazine – that was Ellyce’s daughter, Ava.)

2012 begins in 2009, when it is discovered that the Earth’s core is heating up to a scary degree, thanks to neutrinos that shot into it from a solar flare. Stupid neutrinos! If you know anything about movies in which the Earth’s core is mentioned, you know there’s trouble ahead. A geologist named Adrian Helmsley tells the President of the United States and his Chief of Staff the bad news. I was expecting the typical reaction of disbelief whenever an authority figure in a movie is told something crucial by an underling, but Helmsley is taken seriously and is hired as a scientific advisor to the White House. The next couple years hint at preparations being made in anticipation of the coming apocalypse. This is all within the first 10 minutes of the movie. Then we arrive at 2012, when the poo hits the fan and the megapixels start flying.

We’re introduced to a variety of characters, some of them clichéd. In addition to the President of the United States, there are various earnest scientists; know-it-all politicians; cute kids; not-as-cute kids; monks; divorced parents; a burly Russian with a thick accent, bulbish nose and younger, attractive girlfriend; the wacky radio show host; old guys; the smarmy boyfriend; Chinese laborers; and a Pekingese. Knowing of the devastation to come, the tag line from the movie poster for the original The Texas Chainsaw Massacre came to mind: Who will survive and what will be left of them?

Having a large cast in a movie like this is reminiscent of the movies of the original Master of Disaster, Irwin Allen. I liked his movies, especially The Poseidon Adventure, The Towering Inferno and Earthquake, all of which could be considered precursors to 2012. Emmerich himself might be considered today’s Irwin Allen (Allen died in 1991).

If you go to a movie like this expecting deep contemplation on the human condition, you’re bound to be disappointed. Despite any high-falutin’ concepts the film may make of the human race being one when faced with disaster, I’m willing to bet that most people who see 2012 are there primarily for the special effects and not to take away a message. Others may find this a shallow reason to enjoy a movie, but I can have a great time at a special effects-driven movie as long as I a) am not bored, b) don’t find myself rolling my eyes too often, and c) am sympathetic toward the characters, at least to some degree. The script for 2012 doesn’t allow for very deep characterizations, but I was still rooting for the heroes.

The destruction sequences are intense, featuring such spectacles as the Vatican toppling onto the devout and an aircraft carrier riding a tidal wave to plow into the White House. Some scenes get a bit repetitive — our heroes, whether in car or plane, constantly find themselves racing ahead of an advancing cloud of ash or fire — but that’s a small quibble considering the quality of the thrilling eye candy on display.

John Cusack is his usual likable self as the divorced dad who is trying to get his family to safety as streets buckle, buildings topple and volcanoes erupt around them. Woody Harrelson is entertaining as a pickle-loving member of the fringe element who conducts a radio show from his motor home. Amanda Peet plays Cusack’s ex, Danny Glover is the President (he’s not given much to do), and Oliver Platt his Chief of Staff. George Segal pops up as an elderly musician on a cruise ship. Zlatko Buric plays Yuri, the burly Russian, and he reminded me of the late Andre the Giant in that he’s another big Russian who can be hard to understand due to a thick accent.

Who will survive and what will be left of them? You’ll have to see 2012 to find out.

Final Verdict: It’s not going to stimulate your thought processes – it may even dull them – but if you’re in the mood for nonstop world destruction, 2012 is your best bet.